Sweet

For many years, I had believed that pineapple comes in identical rings packed in heavy syrup in cans. But today we found this prickly looking thing in the garden and inside it turned out to be as sweet and juicy as a baby’s bottom. Further, we learned that we should plunk the top back into the garden and in six months or so should have another. Apparently, this is normal. Things grow in the dirt, you eat the parts you like, chuck the rest back in the dirt and Mother Nature gives you more. Wow. If that’s not unconditional love, I will swallow my own flip-flops.

But in a moment of reflection, questions and concerns started to percolate like the coffee in the pot on my grandma’s stove. Was my understanding of order in the universe based on cotton candy spun across a chasm of false assumptions?

I spent some time with Mr. Google and discovered that meat doesn’t come into existence neatly wrapped in plastic and displayed under flattering light at the supermarket. Chocolate milk doesn’t come from chocolate cows. Processed cheese doesn’t have any actual cheese in it and calling it ‘food’ is playing fast and loose with Noah Webster’s patience.

The veils of innocence have been swept away. As my wondering eyes slowly open onto a new and exotic world, I am full of wonder. Does Santa have an actual bowlful of jelly? Are visions of sugarplums actually dancing prunes? Does the Easter bunny really lay eggs? Do leprechauns not drink green beer? Do unicorns not poop jelly beans? Are Peeps actually birds? And if so, are the birds hopping around in my garden also stuffed with marshmallow?


With all of those tantalizing thoughts doing the fandango inside my head, I remember that my doctor has told me not to eat sweet fruit like bananas and pineapples.

Pineapples.

PINEAPPLES!

Where medical instructions go, I tend to be pretty obedient. I mean, doctors go to school for about a bazillion years so probably know what they’re talking about. But Mother Nature has seen fit to provide me with a golden gift conjured from mere sunshine and lava dust, and I dare not scoff at unconditional love. So thank you, Dr. Sara, you seem caring and dedicated and I deeply appreciate your concern for my health, but I am going to eat that pineapple, and others like it, and I am going to enjoy it.

5 thoughts on “Sweet

  1. Getting food you can eat right from your yard is one of the best things in life. Especially if it’s lemons or, gasp, pineapples!! Don’t let anyone tell you not to eat it. And all things in moderation. (And stay away from the birds, they are not filled with marshmallow.)

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    1. I just wrote almost this same comment to someone else: moderation in all things except kindness.

      The lemons are still a year or two away, but just imagine fresh pineapple doused with fresh lemon juice. I can’t wait!

      I promise not to eat the birds. I don’t think I’ll ever eat a Peep either.

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  2. haha wait…is a baby’s bottom sweet and juicy? and if so is it a good thing? I wonder why the good dr. said no pineapple. I know it’s high in sugar so I am very careful how much I consume and make sure to eat other things with it because of my diabetes but I don’t cut it out completely because well…natural sweetness is the best kind. 🙂 How wonderful for you to have a producing garden. Well done.

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    1. Thanks for the comment, Diana! The baby bottom thing just came to me. I was wondering if anybody would notice. The Doc was talking about sugar in general and might have meant the canned type, which I will never buy now that I live here and I will not hesitate to eat what grows in my garden. Moderation in all things except kindness, right?

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      1. Yep, moderation and thoughtfulness. Eat some cheese or something with it so your body digests the sugar better and maybe go for a walk around the neighborhood after if sugar is a real issue.

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